Russian Potatoes

 From an interview with Mary Dinan in 'The Global Suitcase'

Q:  Why did you choose Russia for your jacket potato business?

My so-called business was a way of getting deeper into what was happening in Russia at the time than by journalism or tourism. Russia is a fascinating country. It was a fascinating time. There was a revolution going in. I wanted to get stuck in. Be part of it. For me business is an excuse not a goal.

Q: What went wrong?

Russia was the biggest potato producer in the world. I was told by the man responsible for coordinating Soviet production of potatoes I would not find a single one you could serve up in its jacket.  He was right. The coup de grace was being summoned to meet the mafia over breakfast at nine o’clock in the morning at a topless restaurant. They wanted ten percent of the takings in return for protection against other mafia or the police who were just as bad. No thank you.

Q:  Did you go to Russia with the purpose of writing a book?

I never do anything with the intention of writing a book. I write about it afterwards if there's a good story but often there isn't or I can't be bothered.

Q:  What did you think of Russia?

Where do you start? History, geography, politics, society, culture...full of contrasts and contradictions. Run by gangsters and inhabited by generous and cultivated people. Its sheer size is overwhelming, matched by the resilience of a people subject to the most appalling acts of tyranny and war over the past century.

Q:  Is it easy to break into Russian life?

In general I found people very hospitable and with a great sense of humour. Even if it means going naked on the ice after a sauna in 20 below. You can get on well if you are white and speak some Russian and resist getting on a high horse about how things are done. There is a Russian proverb: Don't go into someone else's monastery with your own rule. 

Q: Did the corruption disturb you?

It is a blow to my self-esteem that no-one has ever tried to bribe me.

Q: What is the new Russia like?

Wonderful for a minority of wealthy middle class. No much different from the old one for many. A lot worse for some.There’s as much graft and bribery and official corruption and violence as there ever was. It’s now  institutionalised, centred on the Kremlin and the government. If you do business or go to court or deal with the tax inspector it’s who you know and who you can, let’s say influence. In the big cities at least people have jobs and salaries and flats and cars and can lead a more or less normal life. Look at the millions of ordinary Russians who go abroad on holiday. 

Q: How did you adapt to the Russian winter?

Like a Russian. Fur and booze.

Q:  Tell us about riding on the pig’s back

On my first official visit to a Russian farm I was dressed up like a bank manager in a dark suit and tie and shiny shoes. It was an old fashioned farmyard with lots of animals except that it was two feet deep in thick black mud. The first indignity was being carried across it piggy back by the farmer.  Inside we were treated to homebrew vodka and raw pickled piglet tails. I sneaked outside to get some fresh air to keep the piglet tails down and there in front of me was a wonderful Russian landscape like something out of Dr Zhivago. It was so beautiful. I instinctively walked towards it across some stepping stones in the mud. Except I discovered too late they weren’t stepping stones. Do you remember when James Bond skipped across the backs of crocodiles? Crocodiles swim flat and their backs are knobbly but pigs are slimy and buck up and down. It was a wonderful adrenalin rush. Pig surfing in a sea of mud. But I’m no better at surfing on a pig than a surfboard. Everyone was very nice. I had a hose down outside to get the worst off and then went inside for a shower and a change of clothes. When I went back into the kitchen dressed like a farm labourer they all clapped. “Oh Ivan, Welcome to Russia.’

Q: You set up a company with an institute of Biochemistry of the Russian Academy of Science. Tell us more. 

They had bacterial technology for purifying industrial air emissions that was ten years of anything in the west. I set up a British company to market it. Russian bugs help to keep the air of Wolverhampton and Wigan sweet.

Q: Does this make you an Oligarch?

Everyone is an oligarch in their own mind.